When nothing matters anymore

This is a sad period in my life where I have lost everything, including myself. Its very hard for me to think of a way to start over again, to the point where it seems pointless to even try. Death, at the moment, seems like the most practical choice to end my misery.

I have been trying to fight this depression, but I can't. People tell me that the loss is not mine to bear, but when I look at what I have left, I see nothing. At the end of the day, its all empty and meaningless. I have tried talking with other people and even going out, but I simply cannot shake my sadness. A lot of people are telling me to move on, and I am trying...but I can't.

For once in my life I have found what I wanted and then it was taken away from me. It hurts because I have never asked for anything for myself, only this. But there seems to be a big cosmic joke going around right now, because at the time where I was so dependent on that want, it was taken away.

I don't know what to think, or how to feel. I am again feeling the depression, having no sleep last night. I only wish that I survive this. But I know that I am tired of fighting, and that I am always fighting alone. How I wish there would be someone to take care of me for a change, instead of me taking care of them. All my life, I have been caring for the people around me and in the end, it left me with nothing except sadness and despair.