Love is still a choice

I suffered a nervous breakdown three days ago where I had to be hospitalized. The reason for my breakdown is because my six year relationship ended and it ended because my ex-boyfriend found someone else. It hurts as hell, but I have to let go of this meaningless relationship. But the pain of being betrayed was too much for my mind to bear. I was crying non-stop, not sleeping for four days straight, trembling and even packed a bag and was about to leave the house. My mom and my aunt was just quick enough to stop me, because if they didn't, I don't know where I would be now.

What aggravated my nervous breakdown is because I am also taking care of my mother who has liver cancer. In my rage and confusion, I began to blame my mother's condition as to why I could not live a life of my own, to be with my ex-boyfriend. Had my situation been different, I would have been able to deal with the pain in a different way where I would not suffer a breakdown.

But as the days pass, I realize that I have made the right choice by staying to take care of my mom. In tears and a breaking heart and mind, I confessed to her the real reason why I broke down. And as with all mothers, she understood. She understood my pain and now she is helping me heal as I help her in her condition. I have learned in all this pain that I have to help my mother and she is the only one who will not abandon me, just because they find someone else.

I have also seen my worth in my family. I have always griped about not being appreciated, but because of this breakdown I have learned and seen the respect that my family has always given me all these years. The kind of respect that my ex-boyfriend never gave me, instead he gave me pain.

Love is a choice. I know now that what I chose is right. I am still healing, I am still having anxiety attacks, but with the help of my mom I know that I can make it until my brothers' come home at the end of the month. I will go somewhere when they arrive, so that I can also heal my heart and mind. Somewhere quiet where hopefully I can find myself again.