Dealing with this Depression

It's been 20 months since my mom was diagnosed with hepatocellular carcinoma. She was diagnosed on December of 2007. Since then my life has been a roller coaster of emotions.

All of my brothers live and work abroad. One works in Qatar, the other in the United States. When my mother decided to go home to the Philippines after staying with my brother in the US, she decided also not to go back. She is old and sickly and cannot keep up with my neice and nephew whom she has to take care of while staying with my brother.

I live alone, with the exception of my mother. I am also single by choice. This makes me an ideal candidate to take care of my mother when she got diagnosed with cancer. No problem, it is my duty as a daughter to care for the person who gave me life and carried me in her womb for nine months.

Since the start of her prognosis where we were in and out of the hospital, I had to be strong physically and emotionally. I don't own a car so we have to take a jeep ride (the only mode of transportation here in my godforsaken subdivision) to have her admitted for her chemotherapy. So this means that I carried all our things for our overnight stay.

And I had to go to work. Impossible as it may sound to Filipinos who have relatives working abroad, I don't get anything from my brothers, nor do they send me any. At the time that my mother was diagnosed, I had to pay for my house's mortgage. My other brother working in Qatar instead of helping me pay for the house bought another house instead. To add insult to injury, the house is in front of mine.

There were days where I was awake for three days straight because I have to get my mothers' things ready for our overnight stay in the hospital. Plus I have to get her admitted. Then I will also be the one to settle the hospital bill. When we get home, I have to tend to her and the house since she refuses to get a maid. This went on for eight months.

My work suffered immensely. I was still able to perform but I was a walking zombie. So I decided to quit because my health was already suffering too. And no one will take care of me when I am sick since the only person living with me is my mother who is also sick.

I lost my house because I was no longer able to pay my mortgage. I was earning but i could not spend all of my earnings on my personal needs because I had to chip in with my mothers' medical expenses.

So I lost my house, my job and my identity all at the same time. I am severely depressed but can do nothing about it. So many times I am thinking of suicide just to end my misery. My friends always say that I am a very strong person. But all of this is a facade. I am very weak, vulnerable even especially now.

It hurts the most when I show my vulnerability that the person that I am counting on to be my anchor abandons me. How cruel fate seems. This happens everytime. I guess when they see that I need caring, they feel the need to discard me. Because I have always been the one who listens to their every fear and problem. And when the time comes that I need them the most, they are gone.

I am depressed. I don't know if I can make it.

Raw Carrot Juice Diet- The basics

A friend emailed me and was amazed with the diet that I am giving my mother. She is already considering to try it out. My other brother is also thinking of trying out this raw carrot juice diet regimen.

First, let me state the facts that I did not start this, nor did I see this on any advertisement online or on TV. The book was given by a friend whose father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. They just followed the diet and her father is now cancer free.

Now, on to the raw carrot juice. We now consume about a kilo and a half of carrots a day. If you see a lady who is picking out all the carrots in the produce section of Shopwise in Cubao, that would be me. I pick the carrots that are deep orange in color and free of bruises. Then I would wash them with water (I know, for those super cleansy-weensie people. I don't soap them or wash them in veggie wash because dear friends, those are chemicals). Then I would chop them into wedges and into my handy Philips juice extractor it would go. For about ten carrots, I get a pint of raw carrot juice.

Channel surfing the other day, my mother and I watched the Jack Lalane juice extractor being advertised on home shopping TV. This machine would eliminate the hassles of chopping and indeed it will give more juice. Why? Because if you chop the carrots, there are small bits left in the pulp that is not being extracted. But this machine is a no-no for us because it is too expensive.

Now for those who want to try this diet, you have to drink about a cup or glass of the juice every two hours. Also, you have to eliminate all sugars and starches. One of the blessings I found in the book is that coffee is allowed. Yes, coffee. The blood that runs through my veins. LOL.

I wish that my friend who asked me about this diet will be able to follow the diet. It may be hard because she is working and when we work, most of the time we grab the most fatty, heart congesting meal that we can lay our hands on because we don't have a choice. Being healthy and disease free in these times is not a choice. It's a lifestyle.

Cancer Fighting Foods

Since I started my mother on raw carrot juice, I was able to browse online for this alternative medicine. It seems that in other countries such as the United States and Australia, they have groups or communities that promote the raw food diet.

Let me give you an update first on my mother's condition. It has been three weeks since we started on raw carrot juice and since I cannot remove raw food from her diet abruptly, we just increased her intake of raw veggies and fruits. She is very much well and no longer has her "down" episodes. Also, the hair on her nape is growing black! My mother is 68 years old and it seems funny that at her age, the hair that is growing is black instead of white, as we have grown accustomed to.

I don't know if there is a community here in the Philippines that supports or caters the raw food diet. Shame that if ever we don't have any because our country is so blessed with fruits and vegetables that can be grown all year round. And we don't have to rely so much on pesticides because our climate or weather promotes beautiful plant growth. I should know because I have a small garden in my house.

One of the problems that I see why Filipinos are not into these kind of diets is economics and culture. Economy wise, a poor Filipino will spend his P10 on instant noodles, rather than a bunch of kangkong or other veggies. Filipinos also love the taste of salt. That's why they would choose the MSG laden flavoring of instant noodles over the iron and protein rich kangkong which grows in abundance here.

Culture also plays an important part. Filipinos always have an inferiority complex, owing from our three hundred years of Spanish colonization. If it's not imported, its not good. Ask any child what they would like to eat, the answers would be the same: Jollibee (hamburgers), or any fast food in that matter. Never have I experienced where I would come across a family with a toddler in tow that would not beg their parents to eat in these fast food chains.

I have nothing againts these fast food chains. They give our economy it's much needed boost. I also worked for eight years in one of the known food chain brands. It's just that by culture, our food is carbo laden. Once, I tried looking and comparing different fastfood menus to check if any of them had anything that had less carbo or sugar. I ended up in the supermarket where I grabbed a bottle of water and some fruit.

If there is a group out there that supports the raw food diet, please let me know.