This will be the first Christmas with my Mom gone. I know that it's holidays like these that can be quite hard for those who have lost their loved ones. I don't really take too much stock on Christmas because technically we don't spend or celebrate Christmas. My family puts more effort on celebrating the New Year.
I think the reason why we don't celebrate Christmas is because of our childhood tragedies. Growing up we were very poor and surviving on a day to day basis was hard enough. Children usually dream of receiving gifts come Christmas day. But I have no memory of ever being excited that it is already Christmas. To me, it was like any ordinary day that would come and go.
It must have been hard for my mother. I know because now that I am an adult, I go out of my way even if it is a last minute thing to get gifts for family and friends. One vivid memory that I have of Christmas is that while everyone outside was noisy and celebrating, we were all in our beds trying to sleep.
I will not be spending Christmas alone though. Tomorrow, Christmas day, I will be at my aunt's house. Every year for the past six years we have been spending Christmas day at her house. Most of my family are living overseas so it will be a small party. For those spending their Christmases' alone, don't be too sad. It will come again next year and always look forward to that time that it will become a happy occasion. Merry Christmas to all.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Tribute to my mother
I have not been able to update this blog for a long time. I would like to thank the people who still read my blog (if there are any). I just want to write how my life has been these past few months.
I now live in Laguna having found a job that is during the daytime. My asthma has been very bad last year to the point that I had to quit my IT job which is actually a dream job for me. I moved to Laguna having secured my mother with a maid that will look and care after her while I am at work. I do get to go home every weekend but little did I know that my moving out would be the cause of my mother's death.
My mother died last August. Worst, she died exactly on my birthday. I was at home when she died and it was too late when we rushed her to the hospital. Doctors said that she suffered a stroke. My mother has had this heart condition since 2003 where her doctor was advising her to undergo angioplasty. My mother refused because it is quite expensive. We all thought that it would be her cancer that would defeat her. But it was her heart that let go.
I have never regretted taking care of her even if my personal life would have to be brushed to one side. My friends during the wake said that they were the ones who regret seeing me resign from one good job to another just to take care of my mother. But these memories, the ones that I share with my mother during the good and the bad times are what I treasure more than the good position or prestige a job may bring. And I also feel privileged to have taken care of my mother because my brothers were at a loss when she died. My brothers have been living abroad for quite some time and they all wished that they could have spent more time with mom.
Christmas is just a few days away. My brothers are spending Christmas with my mother's sister in Florida so it means that I am spending Christmas alone. But I don't mind since I have also found a great partner who is very supportive in these trying and down times of my life. We have been together for more than a year now and I thank God that he sent this person my way. I guess if I was still stuck with my old relationship, I don't know how I would be able to cope since I was very unhappy with that relationship. God has his reasons for making things the way they are and with my mom's death I am able to understand and thank Him for all the trials, joys, tears and memories that have come my way. They have made me become stronger in every sense of the word.
But don't get me wrong. I am still very sad with the loss of my mother. I still find myself crying when I am alone. When I am grocery shopping I also feel weepy because I remember the countless times that we would go grocery shopping and the food that we would buy would have to be carefully chosen because of her diet restrictions. I will miss my mommy when she would force items that I like but would not buy because I would be thinking that we would go beyond our budget. Or the cheese that we both love and would nibble as late night snacks. I miss my mother but I am sure that she is in a place where she can no longer feel the pain and suffering brought about her disease.
I now live in Laguna having found a job that is during the daytime. My asthma has been very bad last year to the point that I had to quit my IT job which is actually a dream job for me. I moved to Laguna having secured my mother with a maid that will look and care after her while I am at work. I do get to go home every weekend but little did I know that my moving out would be the cause of my mother's death.
My mother died last August. Worst, she died exactly on my birthday. I was at home when she died and it was too late when we rushed her to the hospital. Doctors said that she suffered a stroke. My mother has had this heart condition since 2003 where her doctor was advising her to undergo angioplasty. My mother refused because it is quite expensive. We all thought that it would be her cancer that would defeat her. But it was her heart that let go.
I have never regretted taking care of her even if my personal life would have to be brushed to one side. My friends during the wake said that they were the ones who regret seeing me resign from one good job to another just to take care of my mother. But these memories, the ones that I share with my mother during the good and the bad times are what I treasure more than the good position or prestige a job may bring. And I also feel privileged to have taken care of my mother because my brothers were at a loss when she died. My brothers have been living abroad for quite some time and they all wished that they could have spent more time with mom.
Christmas is just a few days away. My brothers are spending Christmas with my mother's sister in Florida so it means that I am spending Christmas alone. But I don't mind since I have also found a great partner who is very supportive in these trying and down times of my life. We have been together for more than a year now and I thank God that he sent this person my way. I guess if I was still stuck with my old relationship, I don't know how I would be able to cope since I was very unhappy with that relationship. God has his reasons for making things the way they are and with my mom's death I am able to understand and thank Him for all the trials, joys, tears and memories that have come my way. They have made me become stronger in every sense of the word.
But don't get me wrong. I am still very sad with the loss of my mother. I still find myself crying when I am alone. When I am grocery shopping I also feel weepy because I remember the countless times that we would go grocery shopping and the food that we would buy would have to be carefully chosen because of her diet restrictions. I will miss my mommy when she would force items that I like but would not buy because I would be thinking that we would go beyond our budget. Or the cheese that we both love and would nibble as late night snacks. I miss my mother but I am sure that she is in a place where she can no longer feel the pain and suffering brought about her disease.
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