I have been reading on quite a few forums the news or concerns of some people over the possibility of the US taking back the outsourced jobs here in the Philippines. A lot of young people and those considered overage by most companies rely on these outsourced jobs. So, in the unlikely event that these jobs do go, the Philippines will be faced with a massive unemployment problem.
The problem with the current Labor Laws here in the Philippines, as with any law, is that it is already outdated. I don't really know or understand where this age limit comes from. I have had the sad experience of being tagged as overage ten years ago when I was trying to get back to the food industry business. I was applying as a manager and the age limit at that time was 28. When I browse job ads, I still see the same age limit especially for office jobs or normal day jobs.
Once again, the reality that the Philippines refuses to change even if her neighbors have long gone and changed their ways are so evident. Some lawmakers are focusing more on the idea of trying to keep the outsourced jobs rather than looking at what other options we have to offer in the likely event that the US does pull the plug on these outsourced jobs. Is it so shameful to hire a person more qualified than the rookie newbie just because that person is over 30 years old?
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Friday, December 23, 2011
Spending Christmas without my Mom
This will be the first Christmas with my Mom gone. I know that it's holidays like these that can be quite hard for those who have lost their loved ones. I don't really take too much stock on Christmas because technically we don't spend or celebrate Christmas. My family puts more effort on celebrating the New Year.
I think the reason why we don't celebrate Christmas is because of our childhood tragedies. Growing up we were very poor and surviving on a day to day basis was hard enough. Children usually dream of receiving gifts come Christmas day. But I have no memory of ever being excited that it is already Christmas. To me, it was like any ordinary day that would come and go.
It must have been hard for my mother. I know because now that I am an adult, I go out of my way even if it is a last minute thing to get gifts for family and friends. One vivid memory that I have of Christmas is that while everyone outside was noisy and celebrating, we were all in our beds trying to sleep.
I will not be spending Christmas alone though. Tomorrow, Christmas day, I will be at my aunt's house. Every year for the past six years we have been spending Christmas day at her house. Most of my family are living overseas so it will be a small party. For those spending their Christmases' alone, don't be too sad. It will come again next year and always look forward to that time that it will become a happy occasion. Merry Christmas to all.
I think the reason why we don't celebrate Christmas is because of our childhood tragedies. Growing up we were very poor and surviving on a day to day basis was hard enough. Children usually dream of receiving gifts come Christmas day. But I have no memory of ever being excited that it is already Christmas. To me, it was like any ordinary day that would come and go.
It must have been hard for my mother. I know because now that I am an adult, I go out of my way even if it is a last minute thing to get gifts for family and friends. One vivid memory that I have of Christmas is that while everyone outside was noisy and celebrating, we were all in our beds trying to sleep.
I will not be spending Christmas alone though. Tomorrow, Christmas day, I will be at my aunt's house. Every year for the past six years we have been spending Christmas day at her house. Most of my family are living overseas so it will be a small party. For those spending their Christmases' alone, don't be too sad. It will come again next year and always look forward to that time that it will become a happy occasion. Merry Christmas to all.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Tribute to my mother
I have not been able to update this blog for a long time. I would like to thank the people who still read my blog (if there are any). I just want to write how my life has been these past few months.
I now live in Laguna having found a job that is during the daytime. My asthma has been very bad last year to the point that I had to quit my IT job which is actually a dream job for me. I moved to Laguna having secured my mother with a maid that will look and care after her while I am at work. I do get to go home every weekend but little did I know that my moving out would be the cause of my mother's death.
My mother died last August. Worst, she died exactly on my birthday. I was at home when she died and it was too late when we rushed her to the hospital. Doctors said that she suffered a stroke. My mother has had this heart condition since 2003 where her doctor was advising her to undergo angioplasty. My mother refused because it is quite expensive. We all thought that it would be her cancer that would defeat her. But it was her heart that let go.
I have never regretted taking care of her even if my personal life would have to be brushed to one side. My friends during the wake said that they were the ones who regret seeing me resign from one good job to another just to take care of my mother. But these memories, the ones that I share with my mother during the good and the bad times are what I treasure more than the good position or prestige a job may bring. And I also feel privileged to have taken care of my mother because my brothers were at a loss when she died. My brothers have been living abroad for quite some time and they all wished that they could have spent more time with mom.
Christmas is just a few days away. My brothers are spending Christmas with my mother's sister in Florida so it means that I am spending Christmas alone. But I don't mind since I have also found a great partner who is very supportive in these trying and down times of my life. We have been together for more than a year now and I thank God that he sent this person my way. I guess if I was still stuck with my old relationship, I don't know how I would be able to cope since I was very unhappy with that relationship. God has his reasons for making things the way they are and with my mom's death I am able to understand and thank Him for all the trials, joys, tears and memories that have come my way. They have made me become stronger in every sense of the word.
But don't get me wrong. I am still very sad with the loss of my mother. I still find myself crying when I am alone. When I am grocery shopping I also feel weepy because I remember the countless times that we would go grocery shopping and the food that we would buy would have to be carefully chosen because of her diet restrictions. I will miss my mommy when she would force items that I like but would not buy because I would be thinking that we would go beyond our budget. Or the cheese that we both love and would nibble as late night snacks. I miss my mother but I am sure that she is in a place where she can no longer feel the pain and suffering brought about her disease.
I now live in Laguna having found a job that is during the daytime. My asthma has been very bad last year to the point that I had to quit my IT job which is actually a dream job for me. I moved to Laguna having secured my mother with a maid that will look and care after her while I am at work. I do get to go home every weekend but little did I know that my moving out would be the cause of my mother's death.
My mother died last August. Worst, she died exactly on my birthday. I was at home when she died and it was too late when we rushed her to the hospital. Doctors said that she suffered a stroke. My mother has had this heart condition since 2003 where her doctor was advising her to undergo angioplasty. My mother refused because it is quite expensive. We all thought that it would be her cancer that would defeat her. But it was her heart that let go.
I have never regretted taking care of her even if my personal life would have to be brushed to one side. My friends during the wake said that they were the ones who regret seeing me resign from one good job to another just to take care of my mother. But these memories, the ones that I share with my mother during the good and the bad times are what I treasure more than the good position or prestige a job may bring. And I also feel privileged to have taken care of my mother because my brothers were at a loss when she died. My brothers have been living abroad for quite some time and they all wished that they could have spent more time with mom.
Christmas is just a few days away. My brothers are spending Christmas with my mother's sister in Florida so it means that I am spending Christmas alone. But I don't mind since I have also found a great partner who is very supportive in these trying and down times of my life. We have been together for more than a year now and I thank God that he sent this person my way. I guess if I was still stuck with my old relationship, I don't know how I would be able to cope since I was very unhappy with that relationship. God has his reasons for making things the way they are and with my mom's death I am able to understand and thank Him for all the trials, joys, tears and memories that have come my way. They have made me become stronger in every sense of the word.
But don't get me wrong. I am still very sad with the loss of my mother. I still find myself crying when I am alone. When I am grocery shopping I also feel weepy because I remember the countless times that we would go grocery shopping and the food that we would buy would have to be carefully chosen because of her diet restrictions. I will miss my mommy when she would force items that I like but would not buy because I would be thinking that we would go beyond our budget. Or the cheese that we both love and would nibble as late night snacks. I miss my mother but I am sure that she is in a place where she can no longer feel the pain and suffering brought about her disease.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Ghosts of the Past
I would like to blame my fever and asthma for the events that happened this evening. I don't know if I should have made those statements. But it has made me look foolish in every sense of the word. How can we run away from ghosts of the past if we keep resurrecting them in our minds?
First real argument today. I am not the type of person who confronts people. I am usually laid back and let people just run over me. But why? Why did I let this small inkling of doubt get hold of me to the point that I have hurt the person I love the most?
I hope and pray that this will not affect our relationship. I don't want to lose him.
First real argument today. I am not the type of person who confronts people. I am usually laid back and let people just run over me. But why? Why did I let this small inkling of doubt get hold of me to the point that I have hurt the person I love the most?
I hope and pray that this will not affect our relationship. I don't want to lose him.
Antibiotcs..Again?!?
My asthma has made a big comeback these past few months. I didn't mind at first because my job or company has provided us with a health card. So going to the doctor and having tests done means that I don't have to shell out money.
It was with some pride that I lost thirty pounds and four dress sizes around May to June of this year. I was able to keep the pounds off the latter part of the year, but when my asthma attacks came back, I started gaining weight again. I guess it's because of all the steroids that are in the drugs that I am taking that is making me gain weight. Plus the stresses of my job. So, I have now gained back those thirty pounds that I have lost.
My doctor changed my asthma medication around December because my cough wasn't getting any better and my cough started around October. I also have a feeling that I am so radioactive right now because she has asked me to get chest x-rays almost every month. But for her last request, I did not have the tests done. I also refused to buy and take the new bout of antibiotics she prescribed. I just changed my inhaler.
The good news is that my cough has cleared with the new inhaler. The bad news is that I still have a cold, plus fever. So I went back to the doctor's office this afternoon, and I was prescribed again with antibiotics.
I hate getting sick. Yes, I don't shell out anything for the laboratory tests and doctors' consultation, but these medicines that are prescribed take almost half of my salary. I did not buy the antibiotics. I will just stuff myself with calamansi juice until this cold clears and my fever goes away.
It was with some pride that I lost thirty pounds and four dress sizes around May to June of this year. I was able to keep the pounds off the latter part of the year, but when my asthma attacks came back, I started gaining weight again. I guess it's because of all the steroids that are in the drugs that I am taking that is making me gain weight. Plus the stresses of my job. So, I have now gained back those thirty pounds that I have lost.
My doctor changed my asthma medication around December because my cough wasn't getting any better and my cough started around October. I also have a feeling that I am so radioactive right now because she has asked me to get chest x-rays almost every month. But for her last request, I did not have the tests done. I also refused to buy and take the new bout of antibiotics she prescribed. I just changed my inhaler.
The good news is that my cough has cleared with the new inhaler. The bad news is that I still have a cold, plus fever. So I went back to the doctor's office this afternoon, and I was prescribed again with antibiotics.
I hate getting sick. Yes, I don't shell out anything for the laboratory tests and doctors' consultation, but these medicines that are prescribed take almost half of my salary. I did not buy the antibiotics. I will just stuff myself with calamansi juice until this cold clears and my fever goes away.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Healing Heart, Mind and Soul
It's been quite a few months since I last made any entries here in my blog. Not that it would matter though since I would have written something insane then. I have been busy purging myself of loneliness and depression and I guess staying away from the internet has helped in a bit because I was able to go out with friends and make myself whole again.
It is safe to say that I have now healed myself of the demons that have plagued me last year. It has been hell-like, the past year. But I believe that things happen for a reason. I now understand why things have to happen, and that even if I got hurt I guess it was the only way life could show me that I needed to get out of a meaningless and abusive relationship.
I have now found someone new who hopefully will become a permanent fixture in my life. It is nice to dream dreams again and hear promises of forever. I am now again able to dream, hope and work on my life as I see how it should be.
It is safe to say that I have now healed myself of the demons that have plagued me last year. It has been hell-like, the past year. But I believe that things happen for a reason. I now understand why things have to happen, and that even if I got hurt I guess it was the only way life could show me that I needed to get out of a meaningless and abusive relationship.
I have now found someone new who hopefully will become a permanent fixture in my life. It is nice to dream dreams again and hear promises of forever. I am now again able to dream, hope and work on my life as I see how it should be.
Monday, August 2, 2010
The calm after the storm
Its been two months since my breakup. Two months since my bout with depression. I am thankful for the friends that I have who have supported me through this most difficult of times. I now have a job, a welcome distraction. And new friends who are also very supportive and have given me so much laughter that its as if i have never been sad these past few months.
I am proud that I am able to get a job again. My ex-boyfriend, his now girlfriend and all his cousins have labeled me as insane and have nowhere to go. Its much more painful to hear all the hurtful words coming from the person you have loved for so long. But I guess he never really loved me, that's why it was so easy for him to label me as insane, a failure and that no one will ever have me again.
I had to kick myself in order to get out of my depression. I told myself that i cannot stay sad long. Yes, I am still hurting but I am no longer in a rut as they say. I can now move forward because I have picked myself up and pushed my feet to take a step forward.
I want to tell everyone who has been depressed that yes, there is a calm after the storm. Though the circumstances may not be as happy as you expect it to be, but for sure you will be able to move. Reach out to your friends, go out, laugh as if there is no tomorrow. In short, forget yourself, and the reason for your pain. Because for sure that person who has caused you pain no longer thinks of you. So why should you think of that person?
I am in the process of healing, of making myself whole again. And to that person, if he does read this blog, thank you for setting me free. Because I can now choose a better person who will love me more than I have loved him, who will build my dreams with me. Who will support me every step of the way and not chicken out when I am down and out. Who will not be afraid to hold my hand in public. To you and your cousins, and your precious girlfriend, yes the insane person is able to land a job without even trying hard enough. And this insane person is loved by everyone, unlike what you all said.
I am proud that I am able to get a job again. My ex-boyfriend, his now girlfriend and all his cousins have labeled me as insane and have nowhere to go. Its much more painful to hear all the hurtful words coming from the person you have loved for so long. But I guess he never really loved me, that's why it was so easy for him to label me as insane, a failure and that no one will ever have me again.
I had to kick myself in order to get out of my depression. I told myself that i cannot stay sad long. Yes, I am still hurting but I am no longer in a rut as they say. I can now move forward because I have picked myself up and pushed my feet to take a step forward.
I want to tell everyone who has been depressed that yes, there is a calm after the storm. Though the circumstances may not be as happy as you expect it to be, but for sure you will be able to move. Reach out to your friends, go out, laugh as if there is no tomorrow. In short, forget yourself, and the reason for your pain. Because for sure that person who has caused you pain no longer thinks of you. So why should you think of that person?
I am in the process of healing, of making myself whole again. And to that person, if he does read this blog, thank you for setting me free. Because I can now choose a better person who will love me more than I have loved him, who will build my dreams with me. Who will support me every step of the way and not chicken out when I am down and out. Who will not be afraid to hold my hand in public. To you and your cousins, and your precious girlfriend, yes the insane person is able to land a job without even trying hard enough. And this insane person is loved by everyone, unlike what you all said.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
When nothing matters anymore
This is a sad period in my life where I have lost everything, including myself. Its very hard for me to think of a way to start over again, to the point where it seems pointless to even try. Death, at the moment, seems like the most practical choice to end my misery.
I have been trying to fight this depression, but I can't. People tell me that the loss is not mine to bear, but when I look at what I have left, I see nothing. At the end of the day, its all empty and meaningless. I have tried talking with other people and even going out, but I simply cannot shake my sadness. A lot of people are telling me to move on, and I am trying...but I can't.
For once in my life I have found what I wanted and then it was taken away from me. It hurts because I have never asked for anything for myself, only this. But there seems to be a big cosmic joke going around right now, because at the time where I was so dependent on that want, it was taken away.
I don't know what to think, or how to feel. I am again feeling the depression, having no sleep last night. I only wish that I survive this. But I know that I am tired of fighting, and that I am always fighting alone. How I wish there would be someone to take care of me for a change, instead of me taking care of them. All my life, I have been caring for the people around me and in the end, it left me with nothing except sadness and despair.
Friday, May 21, 2010
I need to purge myself of this anger
I need to purge myself of this anger, of this hurt of being betrayed by the person I have loved so much all these years. Its very hard to be offered a dream and then be discarded because of someone else. I need to deal with the pain and try to find a way within myself to forgive and forget.
I have been with him all these years supporting him in the times where he needed help the most. I was always there to listen and make time, adjust my life around him and the people around me. But it has become of little importance to him. Its as if it was nothing. And that hurts the most. I hope that I can find the peace that I am looking for when I go on my retreat next week. Going to familiar haunts, nursing my pain.
Love is still a choice
I suffered a nervous breakdown three days ago where I had to be hospitalized. The reason for my breakdown is because my six year relationship ended and it ended because my ex-boyfriend found someone else. It hurts as hell, but I have to let go of this meaningless relationship. But the pain of being betrayed was too much for my mind to bear. I was crying non-stop, not sleeping for four days straight, trembling and even packed a bag and was about to leave the house. My mom and my aunt was just quick enough to stop me, because if they didn't, I don't know where I would be now.
What aggravated my nervous breakdown is because I am also taking care of my mother who has liver cancer. In my rage and confusion, I began to blame my mother's condition as to why I could not live a life of my own, to be with my ex-boyfriend. Had my situation been different, I would have been able to deal with the pain in a different way where I would not suffer a breakdown.
But as the days pass, I realize that I have made the right choice by staying to take care of my mom. In tears and a breaking heart and mind, I confessed to her the real reason why I broke down. And as with all mothers, she understood. She understood my pain and now she is helping me heal as I help her in her condition. I have learned in all this pain that I have to help my mother and she is the only one who will not abandon me, just because they find someone else.
I have also seen my worth in my family. I have always griped about not being appreciated, but because of this breakdown I have learned and seen the respect that my family has always given me all these years. The kind of respect that my ex-boyfriend never gave me, instead he gave me pain.
Love is a choice. I know now that what I chose is right. I am still healing, I am still having anxiety attacks, but with the help of my mom I know that I can make it until my brothers' come home at the end of the month. I will go somewhere when they arrive, so that I can also heal my heart and mind. Somewhere quiet where hopefully I can find myself again.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Another bout of depression
I am again dealing with depression. Its two in the morning and I can't sleep. I haven't slept last night either. I am so depressed and don't have the strength to fight this. I just want to crawl somewhere and die. I want to end my misery.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Online Income Opportunities
Recently I have been busy with some online earning programs that have given me quite a good amount in spite of starting with the sites for less than a month. These online opportunities may require you to spend a few minutes to an hour depending on the activity required for you to earn. Some may give good earnings, while some may give you just a few cents. But still, even if it is just a few cents it still adds to your earnings.
One of the online earning sites that is giving me weekly and sometimes daily payouts are PTC sites. PTC or paid to click sites are sites where you will click on advertisements in order for you to earn. Some sites have a high payout minimum, while there are some that have low payouts so you can cash out daily. The low payout sites that I am currently into are Slobux.com and Paidtoclick.in.
Then there are the writing sites. Mylot is one forum site where you can get paid for posting your views on the issues posted by members on the site. The key to getting good earnings is to post quality comments. You can also earn from tasks posted by Mylot members too.
So far these sites have given me decent amount of earnings in my Paypal account. You just need to be diligent in visiting these sites everyday so that you can earn.
One of the online earning sites that is giving me weekly and sometimes daily payouts are PTC sites. PTC or paid to click sites are sites where you will click on advertisements in order for you to earn. Some sites have a high payout minimum, while there are some that have low payouts so you can cash out daily. The low payout sites that I am currently into are Slobux.com and Paidtoclick.in.
Then there are the writing sites. Mylot is one forum site where you can get paid for posting your views on the issues posted by members on the site. The key to getting good earnings is to post quality comments. You can also earn from tasks posted by Mylot members too.
So far these sites have given me decent amount of earnings in my Paypal account. You just need to be diligent in visiting these sites everyday so that you can earn.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Wish List
My birthday is coming up a few days from now. I have always celebrated my birthday going on out of town trips. I would always be alone, but I enjoyed this "me" time enormously.
I started my out of town trips when I started working at Pizza Hut. I don't enjoy parties, hate cooking and cleaning afterwards so I would disappear for a few days before and after my birthday.
My getaway back then was in Subic, Zambales. August is off season for beaches so I would have entire resorts by myself. I would go down early mornings and watch the sun rise while small schools of fish would swim at my feet. I would be in a world far from stresses of daily living. I would go home feeling refreshed, ready to take on the world again.
When I started working in the call center industry, that was the time that I was able to go to Baguio. I fell in love at once. Every year since 2003, I would always make a trip to Baguio either alone or with co-workers.
But since my mother was diagnosed with cancer I had to put off my yearly trips because I could not leave her alone. I don't have a maid and my mother refuses to get one, so when I leave the house she left all alone by herself.
So part of my wish list for my birthday is to get away, even just for a day. Just for a day to renew my energy. Just for a day to forget everything.
I started my out of town trips when I started working at Pizza Hut. I don't enjoy parties, hate cooking and cleaning afterwards so I would disappear for a few days before and after my birthday.
My getaway back then was in Subic, Zambales. August is off season for beaches so I would have entire resorts by myself. I would go down early mornings and watch the sun rise while small schools of fish would swim at my feet. I would be in a world far from stresses of daily living. I would go home feeling refreshed, ready to take on the world again.
When I started working in the call center industry, that was the time that I was able to go to Baguio. I fell in love at once. Every year since 2003, I would always make a trip to Baguio either alone or with co-workers.
But since my mother was diagnosed with cancer I had to put off my yearly trips because I could not leave her alone. I don't have a maid and my mother refuses to get one, so when I leave the house she left all alone by herself.
So part of my wish list for my birthday is to get away, even just for a day. Just for a day to renew my energy. Just for a day to forget everything.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Local Sugar Free Snacks
We Filipinos love sugar so much. This is evident in the products that you will see on supermarket aisles. I am writing this because I did my grocery shopping today and wanted to buy sugar free snacks for my mother who is a diabetic.
There are sugar free cookies available in the supermarket. The only problem is that these are not locally manufactured, hence the price is five times more than your average biscuit. I don't know why our local biscuit manufacturers are not tapping into this, when there is a large demand for these type of products.
Sugar free products do not benefit diabetics alone. It is a good alternative for people who want to live healthy lifestyles or are trying to modify their diets. I guess its in the culture of filipinos that biscuits have to be super sweet. I hope one day, there will be local brand sugar free biscuits or snacks that will be available with prices that are also affordable.
There are sugar free cookies available in the supermarket. The only problem is that these are not locally manufactured, hence the price is five times more than your average biscuit. I don't know why our local biscuit manufacturers are not tapping into this, when there is a large demand for these type of products.
Sugar free products do not benefit diabetics alone. It is a good alternative for people who want to live healthy lifestyles or are trying to modify their diets. I guess its in the culture of filipinos that biscuits have to be super sweet. I hope one day, there will be local brand sugar free biscuits or snacks that will be available with prices that are also affordable.
Addicted to Scratch Cards
I decided to do another blog entry. I just want to write about my new addiction, the PCSO scratch cards. I have been betting on Lotto since 1995, but have never won anything besides P40. A week ago, I decided to buy some scratch cards because it gives me winnings of more than P40.
These scratch cards can be bought from regular lotto outlets. You just have to scratch the protective cover and match amounts. if you get three of the same amount on your card, you win that amount. Let's say that the reason for my addiction is that I have won a big amount recently, enough to buy my medication for asthma.
One problem though, is that it is becoming addictive for me. I cannot resist buying a pack or set everytime I pass by lotto outlets. There is a consolation though with my addiction, I do get to win even P100 or more in a set of five cards.
So, this is my new addiction. I only hope and pray that I get to win the jackpot next time I buy a set of scratch cards. It would be a very nice birthday gift for me.
These scratch cards can be bought from regular lotto outlets. You just have to scratch the protective cover and match amounts. if you get three of the same amount on your card, you win that amount. Let's say that the reason for my addiction is that I have won a big amount recently, enough to buy my medication for asthma.
One problem though, is that it is becoming addictive for me. I cannot resist buying a pack or set everytime I pass by lotto outlets. There is a consolation though with my addiction, I do get to win even P100 or more in a set of five cards.
So, this is my new addiction. I only hope and pray that I get to win the jackpot next time I buy a set of scratch cards. It would be a very nice birthday gift for me.
It so Hot and Humid Today
After the onslaught of rains the past few weeks, it has been sunny for the past few days. I have no problem with that; I can do all the laundry that I could not do when it was raining. I don't own or use a dryer. I prefer to air my laundry and dry them out naturally in the sun. It is more eco-friendly and economical. I don't have to use electricty to bring the sun out and dry my clothes.
The downside of all this dry weather is that it is also very hot and humid. My asthma is acting up because of the humidity and just watering my plants has left me breathless. I hope tomorrow is not as hot and humid as today. Otherwise, I would have to use my nebulizer again.
The downside of all this dry weather is that it is also very hot and humid. My asthma is acting up because of the humidity and just watering my plants has left me breathless. I hope tomorrow is not as hot and humid as today. Otherwise, I would have to use my nebulizer again.
Second batch of cheaper meds
This mornings' news announced that the Department of Health is looking into the second batch of medicined that will be discounted. It includes anti-asthma medication. I wonder if any of my meds would be included in this second batch because my anti-asthma medication costs asa much as P4000 for one months' supply. Just my wishful thinking for the day.
Monday, August 10, 2009
My Cattleyas are Showing flowers
It has rained non-stop for the past two weeks. Because of the mild weather, my orchids are starting to bloom. I used to think that I could grow an orchid farm, but growing orchids is no easy task. They seem to be more delicate than they seem to be. But yesterday I inspected some pots and have found that about six of my cattleyas will bloom in about a week or so, just in time for my birthday.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Cheaper Medicines, Death of an Icon, and GMA dines for P1M
So much has happened these past few weeks. I have started writing again,after purging myself of my emotional baggage. But it seems that even if I am able to resolve inner conflicts, those that I cannot control start to aggravate me again.
First, there is the "cheaper" medicines act which our president GMA has so openly bragged that it will help millions of filipinos because some medicine brands will be sold at half price. Take note of the word "some". It has been passed into law and should take effect on the 15th of August. Three days ago, my mother ran out of her maintenance medication for her diabetes and hypertension. Even with her senior citizen discount, the bill came up to close to P5,000 for half a months' supply of medicine. While waiting for the pharmacist to fill up my order, I glanced on the list of medicines that would be "discounted". None of my mothers' medicines are in the list or have ever been part of her medication. I asked the pharmacist about the anti-asthma meds because according to the news there should be anti-asthma meds included. The pharmacist replied that they will only discount whatever is on the list. So this means that the cheaper medicines act will not be of any help to me, who has asthma, or my mother who is a basket case of ailments.
Which comes to my second topic, death of an icon. Cory Aquino died on August 1. She has been diagnosed with colon cancer and has fought a brave fight. I have never been a Cory fan, but the outpouring of support from millions of filipinos during her wake made me realize how much the filipinos loved her. It also made me compare her with the present administration and those that succeeded her. I can say that Cory was indeed a president who thought of the people first before thinking of her own needs. How I can say this is because she embodied a filipino trait that I have not seen with other presidents which is a strong faith in God. During the wake, I could emphatize with Cory's children as they saw their mother being overwhelmed by pain. Then their comment that their mother's treatment was so expensive, an ordinary filipino could not afford it. This statement is so true and brings me to my first topic of the cheaper medicines act.
The cheaper medicines act include some anti-cancer medication. But even oncologists or cancer doctors have stated that these discounted medicines are of little benefit to cancer patients. Because these are only part of the protocol. They do not include those that are regularly given or given in combination with the medicines that have been discounted. Those that have been discounted are the anti cancer medicines that are already cheap. I should know because my mother's chemotherapy session costs P200,000 per session.
Which brings me to my last topic, GMA's infamous million peso dinner. She was in NY the week that Cory died, part of her state or working visit to the United States. While the whole country mourned for an icon of democracy, GMA was dining at Le Cirque restaurant in NY which is one of the expensive restaurants in NY. The NY Post reported that the bill came to $20,000. That is close to a million in pesos. So while people die from not being able to afford medicine, she is spending a million for just one night. It does not matter if its her personal money or that the entourage split the bill. Where is your "delikadesa" madame Arroyo? This is a time of recession where people are losing jobs, going homeless and dying of hunger. The greed of Mrs Arroyo becomes more and more transparent and she even bragged during her SONA that if its' being extravagant, other politicians lifestyles should be checked and not hers.
So this has been a whirlwind of events, from brief elation that medicine costs will go down (only to find out that it will not help), to grief and loss over the death of an icon of democracy, to the greed that is so prevalent in our government. Mrs Arroyo I used to believe in you. Now I can see your greed and it disgusts me.
First, there is the "cheaper" medicines act which our president GMA has so openly bragged that it will help millions of filipinos because some medicine brands will be sold at half price. Take note of the word "some". It has been passed into law and should take effect on the 15th of August. Three days ago, my mother ran out of her maintenance medication for her diabetes and hypertension. Even with her senior citizen discount, the bill came up to close to P5,000 for half a months' supply of medicine. While waiting for the pharmacist to fill up my order, I glanced on the list of medicines that would be "discounted". None of my mothers' medicines are in the list or have ever been part of her medication. I asked the pharmacist about the anti-asthma meds because according to the news there should be anti-asthma meds included. The pharmacist replied that they will only discount whatever is on the list. So this means that the cheaper medicines act will not be of any help to me, who has asthma, or my mother who is a basket case of ailments.
Which comes to my second topic, death of an icon. Cory Aquino died on August 1. She has been diagnosed with colon cancer and has fought a brave fight. I have never been a Cory fan, but the outpouring of support from millions of filipinos during her wake made me realize how much the filipinos loved her. It also made me compare her with the present administration and those that succeeded her. I can say that Cory was indeed a president who thought of the people first before thinking of her own needs. How I can say this is because she embodied a filipino trait that I have not seen with other presidents which is a strong faith in God. During the wake, I could emphatize with Cory's children as they saw their mother being overwhelmed by pain. Then their comment that their mother's treatment was so expensive, an ordinary filipino could not afford it. This statement is so true and brings me to my first topic of the cheaper medicines act.
The cheaper medicines act include some anti-cancer medication. But even oncologists or cancer doctors have stated that these discounted medicines are of little benefit to cancer patients. Because these are only part of the protocol. They do not include those that are regularly given or given in combination with the medicines that have been discounted. Those that have been discounted are the anti cancer medicines that are already cheap. I should know because my mother's chemotherapy session costs P200,000 per session.
Which brings me to my last topic, GMA's infamous million peso dinner. She was in NY the week that Cory died, part of her state or working visit to the United States. While the whole country mourned for an icon of democracy, GMA was dining at Le Cirque restaurant in NY which is one of the expensive restaurants in NY. The NY Post reported that the bill came to $20,000. That is close to a million in pesos. So while people die from not being able to afford medicine, she is spending a million for just one night. It does not matter if its her personal money or that the entourage split the bill. Where is your "delikadesa" madame Arroyo? This is a time of recession where people are losing jobs, going homeless and dying of hunger. The greed of Mrs Arroyo becomes more and more transparent and she even bragged during her SONA that if its' being extravagant, other politicians lifestyles should be checked and not hers.
So this has been a whirlwind of events, from brief elation that medicine costs will go down (only to find out that it will not help), to grief and loss over the death of an icon of democracy, to the greed that is so prevalent in our government. Mrs Arroyo I used to believe in you. Now I can see your greed and it disgusts me.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Dealing with this Depression
It's been 20 months since my mom was diagnosed with hepatocellular carcinoma. She was diagnosed on December of 2007. Since then my life has been a roller coaster of emotions.
All of my brothers live and work abroad. One works in Qatar, the other in the United States. When my mother decided to go home to the Philippines after staying with my brother in the US, she decided also not to go back. She is old and sickly and cannot keep up with my neice and nephew whom she has to take care of while staying with my brother.
I live alone, with the exception of my mother. I am also single by choice. This makes me an ideal candidate to take care of my mother when she got diagnosed with cancer. No problem, it is my duty as a daughter to care for the person who gave me life and carried me in her womb for nine months.
Since the start of her prognosis where we were in and out of the hospital, I had to be strong physically and emotionally. I don't own a car so we have to take a jeep ride (the only mode of transportation here in my godforsaken subdivision) to have her admitted for her chemotherapy. So this means that I carried all our things for our overnight stay.
And I had to go to work. Impossible as it may sound to Filipinos who have relatives working abroad, I don't get anything from my brothers, nor do they send me any. At the time that my mother was diagnosed, I had to pay for my house's mortgage. My other brother working in Qatar instead of helping me pay for the house bought another house instead. To add insult to injury, the house is in front of mine.
There were days where I was awake for three days straight because I have to get my mothers' things ready for our overnight stay in the hospital. Plus I have to get her admitted. Then I will also be the one to settle the hospital bill. When we get home, I have to tend to her and the house since she refuses to get a maid. This went on for eight months.
My work suffered immensely. I was still able to perform but I was a walking zombie. So I decided to quit because my health was already suffering too. And no one will take care of me when I am sick since the only person living with me is my mother who is also sick.
I lost my house because I was no longer able to pay my mortgage. I was earning but i could not spend all of my earnings on my personal needs because I had to chip in with my mothers' medical expenses.
So I lost my house, my job and my identity all at the same time. I am severely depressed but can do nothing about it. So many times I am thinking of suicide just to end my misery. My friends always say that I am a very strong person. But all of this is a facade. I am very weak, vulnerable even especially now.
It hurts the most when I show my vulnerability that the person that I am counting on to be my anchor abandons me. How cruel fate seems. This happens everytime. I guess when they see that I need caring, they feel the need to discard me. Because I have always been the one who listens to their every fear and problem. And when the time comes that I need them the most, they are gone.
I am depressed. I don't know if I can make it.
All of my brothers live and work abroad. One works in Qatar, the other in the United States. When my mother decided to go home to the Philippines after staying with my brother in the US, she decided also not to go back. She is old and sickly and cannot keep up with my neice and nephew whom she has to take care of while staying with my brother.
I live alone, with the exception of my mother. I am also single by choice. This makes me an ideal candidate to take care of my mother when she got diagnosed with cancer. No problem, it is my duty as a daughter to care for the person who gave me life and carried me in her womb for nine months.
Since the start of her prognosis where we were in and out of the hospital, I had to be strong physically and emotionally. I don't own a car so we have to take a jeep ride (the only mode of transportation here in my godforsaken subdivision) to have her admitted for her chemotherapy. So this means that I carried all our things for our overnight stay.
And I had to go to work. Impossible as it may sound to Filipinos who have relatives working abroad, I don't get anything from my brothers, nor do they send me any. At the time that my mother was diagnosed, I had to pay for my house's mortgage. My other brother working in Qatar instead of helping me pay for the house bought another house instead. To add insult to injury, the house is in front of mine.
There were days where I was awake for three days straight because I have to get my mothers' things ready for our overnight stay in the hospital. Plus I have to get her admitted. Then I will also be the one to settle the hospital bill. When we get home, I have to tend to her and the house since she refuses to get a maid. This went on for eight months.
My work suffered immensely. I was still able to perform but I was a walking zombie. So I decided to quit because my health was already suffering too. And no one will take care of me when I am sick since the only person living with me is my mother who is also sick.
I lost my house because I was no longer able to pay my mortgage. I was earning but i could not spend all of my earnings on my personal needs because I had to chip in with my mothers' medical expenses.
So I lost my house, my job and my identity all at the same time. I am severely depressed but can do nothing about it. So many times I am thinking of suicide just to end my misery. My friends always say that I am a very strong person. But all of this is a facade. I am very weak, vulnerable even especially now.
It hurts the most when I show my vulnerability that the person that I am counting on to be my anchor abandons me. How cruel fate seems. This happens everytime. I guess when they see that I need caring, they feel the need to discard me. Because I have always been the one who listens to their every fear and problem. And when the time comes that I need them the most, they are gone.
I am depressed. I don't know if I can make it.
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